Blogsbody goes pot-bashing on his weekend that wasn’t
BLOOMIN’ SPRING!/cont. from 07/04/09
Between all else in his dysfunctional daily life - keeping the lights on at his city-built Lower House of Windsor, seeing the lights go out on his second-hand Nexus washing machine, out-of-warranty Russell Hobbs kettle and 17-year-old blue racer of a Ford Escort - Blogsbody was not the happiest old buck in the watercress capital of the world.
But out of sight, out of his mind, and Blogsbody was soon back to his bushy-tailed self for the filming of the beginning to his Continuing Story of Cressroads, starring Gary-the-Garden pushing his mower through so upmarket a town that its Help the Aged store all but trades as Harrods of Broad Street.
“I mean,” tutts the Bull & Bell’s Chelsea-bred Lady Cyn. “Did you see that young man park his machine beside Caracoli’s patio tables, sit himself down on our Broad Street beside that awful Blogsbody and … well …I ask you, my dear … what ever is Alresford coming to?”
Where Constance British Gas is on a promise to further extend Blogsbody’s stay of disconnection for as long as two more Saturdays; inexplicably, his daughter Keogh’s gift of a swank kettle will fire up again out of the mysterious blue yonder, but just the once; and, thanks to Gary’s emergency supply of petrol, the town hack discovers Halfords near Spitfire Roundabout stocks an emergency petrol cap to fit and replace his with a broken lock.
“But would you?” appeals Nicky-the-Arms. Alias Nurse Groper and back-rubber extraordinaire. “One of our girls can’t come in tonight - and, Mike, you’re so good at it … You will? You saint, you!”
For Halfords to be put on hold until next day as pot-bashing at Cressroads’ mediaeval Tichborne Arms becomes the sudden order of Blogsbody’s Saturday. And, heavy on the Fairy Liquid, the Arms stand-in of a dish dog strips to his T-shirt and learns the hard way to be especially attentive to Chef Stewpot cautioning: “Another hot one, Saint Bloggy.”
“Hell, yeah!”
For the ever-doubting hack to char one digit, then another, in the depths of a hot double-sink casting him in an altogether changed scenario to the one he most most imagined would occupy his Saturday night in Cressroads.
Dee returned from her week’s travels to South Wales, Liverpool and the Lake District. Yes, she would be back to re-visiting the patch. But, alas, forget plans to meet up after the wedding.
RE. ALL MANNER OF MISCHIEF OUT AND ABOUT THE MANOR: … sad to say … very complicated … sorry to mess you around … and I’m also very disappointed … but Monday, if I may, and we can reschedule … speak soon and sorry again … Love Dee x
